Shut a “should” down with these swaps

Do you hear yourself saying “should"?”

I should be working more.

I should be making more money.

I should have more nice things.

I should be working out more often.

I should be dressing better.

…Just to throw a couple examples out there.

When we say “should” we’re inviting in external expectations

A should, is around what you think you should be doing. Simply put, it’s usually around your perceived desires of what you need to be accomplishing. That others are already meeting. That you aren’t because you aren’t doing enough.

The concept of enough gets misconstrued as complacency

It’s not about being stagnant. It’s about getting clear on what you want you want to be doing versus what you think you should be doing.

Should is a powerful term. It’s a carrot lifted above your head. It’s the feeling of never moving fast enough.

You’re swinging your head around looking for insight and getting stuck.

Break away from a should by focusing on YOU

The best way to walk away from a should is to swap it.

Swap Should with Want/Like/Need and see if the thought still holds

This sounds so simple.

The first step is to recognize you’re even using the language of should. Should is an open door to people pleasing, expectation misalignment, all kinds of trouble.

The next time you hear yourself saying should, and you catch it. Try this on:

Swap the word should for want, like, or need and see if the sentence still holds.

I should be working more -> I need to be working more - do you? Are you gunning for promotion? Are you not meeting your targets? Are you secretly slacking at work? If the answer is no… then nope, you should NOT be working more.

I should be making more money -> I want to be making more money - yes, most of us want more money. It’s nice to have more money. That doesn’t mean you should be making more money, or that someone quietly is keeping track of your income. It simply means, we want more money. Do you see how it shifts from external to internal?

I should be working out more -> I’d like to be working out more - would you? Maybe you know working out more makes you feel accomplished, helps you sleep better, reduces anxiety (raises hand). This shift helps it circle back on YOU, your goals, your desires. Don’t let it be about how you’re not living up to what the world tells you that you should be doing. It’s centering it around what you want, what you need, what makes you tick and move forward.

When the sentence no longer holds weight without “should” in it - you’re reclaiming your desires

Yep.

It’s that simple.

Should is a shit word.

It opens us up to what we think we are supposed to be doing.

It’s what our parents, our friends, the folks on social media we follow are telling us to do.

When we refocus back on us, what we truly want versus what we think we should want…

It’s powerful.

Struggling with a lot of “shoulds” and want to recenter on you? That’s what I do with the senior leaders I work with.