How to build a habit without a movie montage
This was originally shared in a recent speaking gig for helping folks up-level their mindset. Curious about having me come speak to your crew? Reach out!
We’re obsessed with “good habits”
I want to be a morning person.
I want to be a runner.
I want to be an empathetic leader.
I want to be someone who delivers and receives feedback easily.
I want to be a person who meditates everyday.
We want to be a lot of things.
So why is it so hard to change our status quo?
Is it because we’re not disciplined enough? We don’t have the right motivation? Nope.
Why is it so hard to build a habit?
It’s not you, it’s hard for everyone to build a habit.
The process to build a habit is gnarly. Studies show that it can range from 21 days to 6 months to form a habit. That’s a long time to shift into what you’d like to be already!
Building a habit means working against what is easiest.
The discipline and motivation isn’t what comes first. The actions are.
How to make habit formation as easy and simple as possible
Step 1: Get clear on your WHY - THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP
Without a strong reason for your habit formation, you’ll find it really hard to keep going when it’s cold, dark, or rainy outside for those of us who live with a winter climate. The why of your new habit needs to be ingrained within you - versus delivered by an external force. If the habit is one that’s come from those around you, take the time to transform it to own it for yourself. Yes, your partner wants you to tidy but you don’t want to. Try shifting, “I’m someone who tidies” (which doesn’t resonate with you) into “I’m someone who supports my partner through tidying up” - feel easier? Perfect. Trust me, you're going to need this when it's crack of dawn and your alarm clock tells you it's time to wake up. This is the mantra that helps you do the damn thing.
Step 2: Plan out HOW you can get this done
It’s really tough to start a new habit. Are you going to need additional support? Maybe an accountability partner, a coach, a course, delegation of household tasks, hired resources… etc. Whatever it is, it’s going to be hard to add in this habit to your daily life. So find ways to reduce the friction.
Step 3: Go EASY on yourself
We already noted that habits take a ridiculous amount of time to be formed. That means that you want to take away the need for motivation or discipline as much as possible. Make it as easy as humanly possible to follow through. Some ideas?
Habit Stacking - stack a new habit with an existing habit. Want to meditate? Drink coffee every morning? Combo!
Pair a “good” habit with a “bad” habit - leverage those bad habits that are desires with a good habit. Want to scroll instagram? Earn your time with a round of squats.
Get a buddy - find an accountability friend - send your gratitudes over to a friend versus letting them sit in your own head. (Or you can always join the 21-day gratitude challenge and get a prompt in your inbox for it!)
The two-minute rule - tailor a habit down to the shortest, simplest version of the habit. Instead of reading every day, only read one page. That’s it. That’s more than nothing!
Plan rewards - give yourself in-line rewards that reinforce your work… which brings us to…
Step 4: CELEBRATE the wins
I love celebration. You’re going to need it. We know that celebrating our tiny wins can reinvigorate a goal, keep you focused and proud of your progress. It basically gives you a moment of rest before you keep climbing. Bonus tip? Have the celebration exist in-line with what you’re trying to do. Spoke Spanish every day? Maybe you’ll go to a Spanish restaurant and get some delicious treats - while soaking in all the Spanish you can follow now!
Step 5: Re-engage WHEN you falter
A missed workout is a hiccup. A week of missed workouts is a pattern. It's not about perfection, it's about continued practice. This is essential for those of us who have all-or-nothing mentalities. I didn't do the thing yesterday, so why bother the rest of this week?! (Because that's where the grit comes in, friends.) Focus on the WHY you set in step 1 to give you the push you need, or level up your support network and plan on how to get things done. We’re going to mess up. Life gets in the way. And that’s OKAY. It’s about getting back on the horse.
Bonus James Clear Step: IDENTIFY with the habit
Quite possibly my favorite part of James Clear's book, Atomic Habits. Instead of saying I want to be a runner - say I am a runner. Let yourself make decisions from that. If you're a runner, of course you'll go on a run. If you want to be a runner, well, maybe today isn't the day.
Good luck forming those habits, friends.
TLDR:
1. Get clear on the motivation
2. Understand what you need
3. Make it easy
4. Celebrate the wins
5. Re-engage when you falter
6. Make it your identity
If you’ve been trying to form some better habits in your career (and life, whatever) and have been getting stuck, let’s talk.