How to self-promote without the “ickiness.”
Self-promotion sucks.
It just does.
You may know someone who does it seamlessly. Easily sharing across social media all their wins, interviews, triumphs. Or someone at work who smoothly slips into discussion about a previous accomplishment or goal that they met.
How do they do it?
And how can we do it in a way that feels good rather than performative?
Let’s get into it in three parts!
What makes self-promotion feel gross?
Why do we have to self-promote anyway?
How to prepare to self-promote so that it feels good.
Part 1, let’s do this.
What makes self-promotion feel gross?
Everything. Immediately when you think of self-promotion, what comes to mind?
Often it’s those noisy, annoying, already-privileged individuals shouting from the rooftops of things that we’re annoyed by. Or it’s watching someone you’re not fond of talking about themselves as if they’re an influencer. We can even get weird jealousy feels.
Self-promotion feels gross for most people because we don’t like to talk about ourselves in a positive way.
We’ve been taught to be humble, and that boasting is rude.
We prefer to be self-deprecating, having humility, leaving it up for someone else to talk about ourselves.
It feels gross because we want someone else to promote us. Why do we have to do it?!
So…
Why do we have to self-promote anyway?
If you’re struggling to share how great you are, here are some straightforward, simple reminders as to why you have to do it:
People are too busy thinking about their own journey. It’s not that they don’t care about you, or want to support you, it’s that they’re already focusing on themselves and how to stay afloat. When is the last time that you opted to talk nonstop about a colleague or employee to someone? Hopefully it was recently, but often, it wasn’t! It’s because we think about ourselves, a lot.
No one is going to talk you up as well as you will. Have you ever been in a meeting and someone introduces you and you’re like, eh, that was a bit lackluster? Yep. That’s because as much as you want everyone to be able to beef up the narrative around you, they won’t catch the intricacies of just how awesome you are. Even if they can talk you up, they may not know what you want next, and how to position you well for it.
If you don’t do it, no one will. This one hurts. We would rather have a fairy godmother drop in and make sure everyone knows how great you are, but, there isn’t anyone just waiting out in the wings to make sure everybody knows how great you are.
You’ll miss out on what you deserve. If you aren’t advocating for yourself at work, and no one else is, and the folks that are, aren’t doing it well - you’re going to miss out on that next opportunity. You have to be the one who knows how good you are, tells people about it, and makes the pitch to get that next thing.
If this all feels a bit raw, that makes sense. Usually when we’re just starting out, there are people looking out for us - engaged managers and mentors. But as we get more advanced, people stop thinking about you because 1) they think you got this! and 2) they’re focused on themselves.
What can we do to prep for better self-promotion? Here’s some internal tricks to get it going.
How to prepare to self-promote so that it feels good.
The best way to self-promote is to believe you deserve it.
This is huge.
The best way to self-promote is to believe you deserve it.
We don’t self-promote because we’re struggling to believe we deserve the good thing over someone else.
So here are some tactics to up your confidence levels and truly encourage yourself to recognize this is the right things for you.
Capture your wins. This is essential. Get out a pen and paper and write down everything good you’ve done. Include professional, and personal. Why not?! You’ve done cool stuff. Grab them all. Make the list looooooooong. Why? This helps you remember that you can do hard things, that you’ve had wins, and you can be proud of what you’ve done.
Grab from the peanut gallery. Internal motivation is beautiful, and external validation has it’s place here. Sometimes we struggle to accept the compliments and positive feedback from our colleagues. So go grab them. Add them to your list. Don’t get small now. Let those compliments wash over you, even if you can’t internalize them yet. It’s still data and information. Ask your friends, family, colleagues - what’s the best thing about me? Write it down. Those are reasons why you’re great.
Remember your why. If you don’t self-promote, you’ll miss out on that promotion, that client, that new funding. And why do you want those things? Is it for recognition? To support your family? To manifest a dream of traveling to a new country for three months?! Often to get over the ick of self-promotion, the easiest way is to remember that you’re doing this for a bigger reason. Not to run around showing off, but instead, to really cultivate and create something.
Happy promoting.