How to handle feelings of jealousy and comparison.
We’ve all been there. You’re scrolling on one of your social media accounts and BAM, someone shows up and it makes your stomach hurt. They got a promotion. Someone raised a series A. Another person is in Fiji.
It stinks.
You’re suddenly wondering what are you even good at! Please revisit your Wins folder.
Now you’re trying to figure out what do.
Feelings of jealous, comparison, imposter syndrome - they’re going to hang out with you.
They’ll simply change over time.
In your twenties maybe you were jealous of money. In your thirties maybe it’s time. In your forties it could be freedom.
We’ll always feel moments of jealous.
It’s what we DO with it.
So what can we do?
Here are five steps (plus a bonus sixth step!) on how to handle feelings of jealousy and comparison!
Step 1: Honor the feeling of jealousy and comparison
First, honor it. It's good to want things!
Seeing someone doing something that makes you feel some feels, means that your brain is on. It's giving you information. If you didn't feel jealousy or comparison discomfort than you're not being challenged.
Challenge can lead to growth.
Step 2: Examine what’s underneath the feeling
What is it about this person, this thing that is bringing up the green in you?
+ Is it that you want what they have?
+ Do you want a component of what they have?
+ Are you annoyed that they have it?
+ Do you wish they didn't?
This is information to use.
Step 3: Get the unfiltered version of their success
An IG post or a boastful LinkedIn post is never the whole story. Look under the hood - do you truly want what they have?
+ How much do they work?
+ What privileges do they have access to?
+ How long have they been doing this type of work?
Get clear on what it would take to have it.
Step 4: Turn the feelings of jealousy and comparison into action
Now that you're clear on what they have that you want - and how they got it... make a plan to get it yourself.
+ Create clear goals, a timeline, the steps
+ What support do you need?
+ How can you improve yourself?
Make a plan to make it happen.
Step 5: Celebrate the effort you’re putting in
To make change, we need to cement our learnings, our habits, our actions. The best way to do that is to celebrate your wins!
+ Treat yourself when you finish a task
+ Consider sharing it with someone important to you
+ Invest in going deeper after a win
Even if it's not a post online, you did it.
BONUS STEP: Mute the noise.
If all of these actions aren't helping you:
+ You're not able to honor the feeling
+ You're annoyed that it's THEM
+ You don't even want what they have
+ You can't craft a plan
+ You don't want to celebrate it
Then mute those folks. You don't need to dramatically unfollow. You just need to clear the noise. Clean house.
Struggling to cut through the feelings of jealousy and comparison so you can focus on you? Reach out.