How to be a better manager. With a ton of tools to start.

Whether you’re a long-time people leader, or you’re transitioning into the role for the first time… (go you!) There’s always room to improve and bring your best foot forward to managing a team.

Truly we’re never done improving ourselves. And that applies to working with others, too.

I don’t want this input to come just from my style of leadership.

After all, someone once told me I’m such a soft and supportive leader that they were nervous I had an ulterior motive.

(I didn’t. My style is blunt honesty and transparency and that doesn’t jive with some folks!)


Who’d I talk to?

I had the pleasure of interviewing a slew of people leaders to better understand the common threads that we all shared as managers -> so that you can enjoy and reap the benefits of our collective knowledge and know-how.

I went ahead and made sure I met with folks who’ve been leading teams - whether it was 2 people or 42 people. Some identified as men, others as women. A handful have a more paternal approach (and some with a more maternal approach.)


What are we covering here:

  1. What does it mean to be a good manager

  2. Kick things off right

  3. Challenge your team and yourself

  4. Build connection and trust

  5. Champion your crew

  6. Navigate through the less-than-pleasant side of things

  7. Pay it forward


1: What does it mean to be a good manager

What a loaded question. Let’s start with what it’s not. It’s not your chance to show-off, to put people down, to demonstrate just how smart you are. That’s what reddit is for. Just kidding.

A manager is someone who understands that their job is to support and guide someone else to find their success.

You’re not there to be a bully, to fluff your ego, or to steal the spotlight from the work that your team has done.

The best managers are the ones who prepare their team not for this role, but for their next role - whether or not it’s at this company.

The hardest thing to let go is the desire to enjoy the hierarchy - to feel like now that you’ve made it, you can make others suffer. Because you suffered to get here.

Your role is to make things easier for your team.

To invite them into the learnings that you’ve developed.

To learn from them and their expertise.

The best qualities of a manager: curiosity, empathy, emotional intelligence, communication, and presence.

They are curious about their team, and how they can best support them

They have empathy for the folks they work with, and want to see where they’re coming from.

They deliver on emotional intelligence, and listen for the words behind the words.

They communicate clearly, concisely, over-and-over, and ensure that everyone has the same information.

They are present with their team, actively listening, ensuring comprehension, and asking questions for clarification.

A good manager the one that puts the team first. It’s not a role for the power-hungry. It’s a role for the people who like to put people first.


2: Kick things off right

If you’ve had the experience of a new (bad) manager come in, you know how it feels.

You see them as the keys to your ascent - there’s fear in the relationship.

It’s not necessary to lead with fear.

Lead with curiosity.

Whether you’re starting on a new team as a manager, or were just promoted to lead a team (congrats!), the best thing I can offer you, is use it as an opportunity to learn.

Unless you’ve been hired to come in and slash budgets and wreak havoc (if that’s you, I am so sorry. That’s a rough entry!) we can be soft with this approach.

My favorite? Is to start off with a series of questions for your new team to answer, as well as yourself to better understand each other.

The 10 Questions to Kick Things Off Right <- read it in more detail here

  1. What is your style of working?

  2. What do you value?

  3. What are some of your pet peeves?

  4. How do you like to be communicated with?

  5. How do you like to receive feedback?

  6. What is important for you regarding your work?

  7. Where do you need help?

  8. What is something that folks get wrong about you?

  9. How do you like to be recognized?

  10. What can I do to best support you?

Start with questions, not direction.


3: Challenge your team and yourself

It’s all about that feedback baby! Now that you know how you, and your team, likes to receive feedback. We have to do that.

Figure out how your team is going to deliver and receive feedback, continuously, in a way that feels good to everyone.

Some folks want explicit feedback, in-the-moment. Others would prefer to receive it written down to read through and reflect.

This one you may need to play with - feedback isn’t this end-all-be-all, but, as a manager, one of the major parts of your responsibilities is to help your team learn about their blindspots so that they can grow. That goes for you, too.


4: Build connection and trust

We don’t have a ton of time as managers. That means sometimes we don’t communicate clearly, in the moment we need to. Sometimes we skip a meeting that our team spent all week preparing for, and we have to apologize for wasting their time.

We have our own work to do! We’re getting messages at all hours of the day, and it’s hard to keep track of the heads-down stuff, and all the administrative logistics of running a team.

That’s why we have to create the time and space to have our 1-on-1s. And to actually be present in them.

Schedule your 1-on-1s. Use them as a time to connect with your team. Then demonstrate, over time, that you’re hearing them and you’re taking action on where they need your help.

It’s not about coming in with a bulldozer, it’s about lending a hand to weed the garden.

Read more about 1-on-1s here.

Or, snag the 1-on-1 template



5: Champion your crew

Your team that you just adopted, or that new hire may be hankering for the next step up.

A major role as a manager (and all-time best leader) is to make sure that your team is getting recognition for the great work that they do.

Did they nail a presentation? Depending on their recognition style- shout it from the rooftops!

Capture their wins.

Make sure you share them out.

Because at the end of the day, you’re the one that is going to have the tough role to advocate for your team and make sure that they’re supported in their performance reviews.

You can also grab my performance review template!


6: Navigate through the less-than-pleasant side of things

We all know leading isn’t all roses.

Sometimes we have to do the tough things, too.

I’m talking about letting people go, firing folks, telling them that they’re not getting that promotion they thought was coming this year.

There’s no perfect thing to say here.

State-side, I have to say all kinds of legal stuff - like, make sure you’re tracking things, and sharing them via email. I.e. If we have to let someone go or fire them - you don’t want that conversation to be the first time they’re hearing all the feedback.

These are the moments that you’re going to need to find support - from your in-house counsel, from your HR team, from your previous mentors.

The most that I can say is that in these tough moments, always - always - always… lead with empathy.

Once you’ve covered your behind on the legal side of things, take your time to think about what is the best way to support your team in these tough moments.

There’s no best way to handle firing someone… but you can take the time to think about it.

7: Pay it forward

It took a lot to get where you are.

There’s a desire to have everyone else have to suffer and struggle.

But you’re not here to make them suffer.

You’re here to make the next step easy.

Whenever you’re feeling a bit of, “well I had to X to get to Y!”

Play with that.

Think about the best managers you’ve had.

How can you emulate them.

Where could you have infused ease, appreciated a lending hand, given space to explore.

Create that.

Does it feel hard to be the best manager or leader you can be? Let’s work on that, together.

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Kick your project off in style with these 10 questions.

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How to go from a fixed to growth mindset in 4 steps.