How to run your best 1 on 1 ever (template included!)

Run your best 1 on 1 ever template included written by Rikki Goldenberg, Executive Leadership Coach and Career Coach over an image of computer and coffee cup

Why change what isn’t broken? My 1 on 1s are… fine.

If you’re a manager, you’re already running 1 on 1s. Of course you are. You know that you need to have weekly (or bi-weekly) sessions to check in on your team, or their direct reports. Many managers see 1 on 1s as something to cross off their to-do list. Maybe you’ve figured out how to make it as easy as possible - you do them all in one day! You do them back-to-back, crammed into a phone booth with your team rotating through getting a quick-hit of management time! Woo!

Unfortunately, this isn’t enough.

Ugh. I know, you’re already overwhelmed, stressed, feeling annoyed by having to add another to-do task to your list. It’s already too much! You have these sessions, your own work, preparing for that big meeting… suddenly each 1 on 1 is feeling like a burden. You already know what your team is doing! You have to review their work, you saw them present in a meeting, you’ve given them plenty of opportunity to improve.

What if I told you that with a couple tweaks to your current 1 on 1 system, it could actually be… easier?

What if we could make your 1 on 1s shorter, simpler, more to-the-point?

What if not only would they be easier, simpler, (and shorter) they were also more effective for your team?

It’s possible. I’m here to tell you how.

What does it take to have a great 1 on 1?

Most managers think that a 1 on 1 can be a simple catch-up meeting. “Tell me what’s up?”

Or a chance to get into the weeds on a specific project their employee is working on.

Some managers try to run all their meetings back-to-back, completely burnt out by the time they get to their last employee, and they’re secretly trying to keep up with the work that’s been quietly piling up in the background during each chat.

The secret?

1 on 1s aren’t a to-do list item. They are the singular moment that you have as a manager to put proof in the pudding for each employee. It’s the only time that they get to come to you, with your full attention, and get your input, feedback, opinion, etc on what’s going on in their work.

It’s their only time to have you focus completely on their own career, their performance and how they’re working towards their overarching goals,

There are 3 key ingredients to having an incredible 1 on 1:

  • Focused on them

  • Forward-thinking

  • Free from judgement

So what does that mean? Well, read on!


How to run your best 1 on 1:

Let’s break down each ingredient and how it can lead to a fantastically improved 1 on 1 for you and your employee.

Focused on them:

  • Get rid of distractions. Because this is the only time that you can really give your all to each employee, you need to be 100% with them. That means close slack, close your computer, turn your phone over or silence notifications.

  • Spread them out. If you notice that you’re losing the ability to give your all to each employee in back-to-back sessions, you need to make a change. That means that every week (or every other week depending on how you run things) the same employee is getting the worst version of their manager. There are tons of options here to help reduce the burden: spread your meetings across the week, switch them to every other week, shorten them, or you can always rotate the order you see your team to ensure each person has a chance to get you at your freshest.

  • Have a clear structure. Rather than letting the 1 on 1 be free-form, give them clarity around the best way to use the time together. By using a template of some sort, the employee knows exactly what to expect.

  • Give them the reigns. Have your employee put together the topics to discuss before they meet with you. This is their meeting. Make sure they’re aware that you’re there to support them on whatever is most essential, in the way that’s most helpful for them. Over time, your employees with start to realize the benefit of these sessions and they’ll give you even meatier, more complex issues to uncover.

Forward-thinking:

  • Go from task-master to task-creator. Instead of using this time as a cross things off the to-do list, connect with your team about what they’re trying to accomplish, and how they’ll accomplish it. This isn’t the time to rattle off things you want them to be doing. Instead, it’s a time to hear what they’re working on, and how they’re tackling it. You’re not there to tell them what to get done, but rather, how can they get things done. Help them understand what they need in order to succeed and move forward.

  • Flavor in future plans for your employee. Often 1 on 1s are just about going through the meat of the week. If you want to level them up a notch, there should consistently be a connection between the meat of the week and what they’re trying to accomplish long-term. Have someone who’s trying to level-up? How do the tasks this week support that goal? If they don’t, collectively you need to come up with opportunities to shine. Are they trying to take on a different challenge? What tasks can be shifted or reprioritized that aren’t as essential as that big goal? Taking the time to connect their weekly work to their overarching goals is essential to continued growth. The template helps with that!

  • Connect to the company’s goals. The secret sauce you bring to the 1 on 1 is your ability to understand how the larger organization is working. You have access to information that your employee doesn’t, and you need to find ways to ensure your employee knows what the goals of the company are. Are things shifting around? Tell them. Is there a new priority coming from above? Let them know. Do you see an area that they can take control and show up? Share it! Your employee can’t read your mind, and they certainly can’t read the mind of your org - so use your know-how to help them see the larger trends of how their work connects.

Free from judgement:

  • Skip the blame-game. If you want to create a culture of psychological safety, you have to be the person your employee can come to and give you the true skinny on a situation. The quickest way to do that? Rather than getting into the nitty-gritty of what went wrong… we have two questions. 1) What have we learned? 2) What do we need to do now? That’s it. This can be transformational if your folks are used to working places that are focused on the “who did what.”

  • Offer support - carefully. You know a lot. You might already have identified the path forward. Your fingers might be itching to unblock things and make things smoother. But that won’t help your team. What will help your team is to offer your support. Before doling out advice, ask them what they’re already thinking. They might have a great solution in mind! Instead of running around and smoothing things politically, tell them what hurdles they may face, and ask if they’d like your help on that. As managers we frequently want to fix things. To harmonize, smooth, reduce friction. That needs to be done in conjunction with our team - there’s nothing wrong with how they’re doing things… we just need to help them connect the dots, and share what we know.

  • Remember it’s a partnership. Your team’s success may feel directly tied to your own. In reality, you simply can’t control for everything. What you can control is your ability to be present, supportive, and thoughtful. You are able to come open-minded, curious about their perspective, and welcoming of their feedback. For a true partnership to reign supreme… you need to realize that sometimes your team is going to have ideas that challenge your own. And you’ll have to work really hard not to judge yourself. When they offer an idea that triggers something in you, a desire to get defensive, we need to remind ourselves that this is a partnership. This idea could be what you need to move forward - as long as you can pull your ego back in check. Your biggest learnings as a manager often come from those you manage. It’s a gift!

Ready to run a solid 1 on 1? There’s a template for that!

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